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The late comedian Mitch Hedberg had a joke about being handed a flyer. He said, "When someone gives me a flyer, it's like they are saying, 'Here. You throw this away." The same can be said about junk mail. It's trash delivered right to your mailbox that you get the privilege of throwing away. What a deal! But what if you didn't just chuck it in the trash? What if you used it? Here’s how.
- Read it
It's so crazy. I know. No one has actually done this yet. Just try it. Read what the junk mail has to say. Sometimes there are coupons to supermarkets or restaurants. There is a recession on. You can use these coupons to get reduced prices on goods and services. Cut these coupons. Carry them around in a big white envelope like an old lady. Old people are the new young people. - For the birds, hamsters, cats and dog.
What if there was a service that delivered free hamster bedding, bird-cage liners, cat box protectors and dog-training papers to your house. There is. It's called the United States Postal Service. These brave men and women have been delivering you paper products that you can employ to keep your pets nice and tidy. Line the bird cage with those credit card offers. Wrap a fish in that neighborhood news flyer. Let your dog do his business on that Realtor magazine that's addressed to occupant. The choice is yours. - Ship it right on out of there
So you are mailing some fragile porcelain mice to your sister in Frankfurt, Kentucky. How are you going to get those mice there without them breaking? They are very fragile and very porcelain. Wrap them in those Chinese restaurant menus, then use all those pizza delivery offers as loose-fill packing. - Scrap paper
I use scrap paper all the time. I write a lot and have to print out manuscripts and drafts for various projects and gigs. Early drafts can be printed on the backside of old junk mail. I also take notes and write lists and put ideas down on scrap paper. I keep score for card games on scrap paper, keep track of passwords for video games on scrap paper and even write letters on scrap paper. I don't know how I'd get by without scrap paper. - Insulation
You can insulate a wide variety of things with junk mail. You can insulate a dog house, an ice house, a chicken coop, a tool shed or a tree house. You can use junk mail to seal drafts in your windows or under doors. Some people stuff it in the walls of their home, but that can turn into a fire hazard. Modern newspaper insulation is cured with fire-resistant chemicals. - Make new paper
You can always make homemade paper from old paper.
More on Junk Mail:
Stop Junk Mail, Cancel Out Your Lifelong Paper Waste
How to Avoid Work-Related Junk Mail
How to Mark Snail Mail as SPAM
Ready, Set, Green, Week Seven: Letting Go of the Junk
Sign the Petition to Stop Junk Mail
Green Delights of Junk Mail Gift Wrap: Spot the Holiday Symbols
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